Step One:

Have your kids watch this video at least 50 times.

Step Two: Praise the Lord that your kids are watching an entertaining and soul building video for approximately 50 minutes instead of arguing over legos, barbies, a cookie, lint…whatever they usually get combative about.

Step Three: Say to self, “Who the heck is Gungor?” Imagine that he is some enormous Russian SWAT cop that works for the Mint Hill Police Department and wears a strap around his enormous thigh that holds an enormous revolver. Imagine that this guy directs the traffic during dismissal time at your son’s elementary school. Imagine that you don’t even THINK about texting while waiting in line when Gungor is walking the beat.

Oh wait, that’s just me.

You can find out what Gungor really is here to satisfy your curiosity.

Step Four: Play the video about ten more times/enjoy it with your kids/get to know the tune because you will hear it a bunch in the next couple weeks.  Explain who “Old Pat Robertson” is. You may have to let your kids get a taste old Pat by letting them watch a bit of what Abby calls, “The 500 Club” (The 700 Club.) Somehow, it makes the flappy eared “Pat Robberson” (as Anthony says) even more hilarious to them.

Step Five: Use this as a teaching opportunity to tell your kids that God indeed does love everyone. Even terrorists. Because they are made in his image. That does not mean He likes what they do, but he loves them because he created them. I likened it to “I love you guys. I don’t like when you fight with each other. But that doesn’t make me love you less, because you are my sweet babies.” Now may even be a time to reinforce the Gospel! The perks of this song never end!

Step Six: Download “God is Not A White Man” by Gungor (Or really give yourself a treat and download the whole album…SO GOOD!)

Step Seven: Burn it to a CD.

Step Eight: Put it in your car. (If you are like me, you will burn a CD and then it will sit in your computer for three weeks, so this is a crucial step.)

Step Nine: Did you hear bickering? Did someone’s book bag accidentally get to far into someone else’s space? Did someone get candy from the classroom treat box and they aren’t sharing it? Did the sippy cup fall down? MOM…IT’S TIME TO HIT PLAY AND CRANK IT UP.

Step Ten: CRANK IT UP. If your kids are like mine, they will hear the first couple notes, and they will remember the silly video and start singing along and laughing. Then they will want you to play it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

And since it is real music and not Barney and Friends or the Wiggles, you will not mind too much. It sure beats listening to the strife and drama that would otherwise cause you to swerve recklessly as you attempt to regain some semblance of order in the vehicle.

Enjoy Moms! Peaceful car rides for all!

Just as predicted around baby’s first birthday in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,”  I am contemplating  another baby. (After seminary is over…definitely after seminary is over, God willing!)

I realize that makes me, by some people’s standards, completely insane.

However, motherhood is my calling, and even though my kids drive me up the wall, and I can’t tell you how many times I have said, “If you don’t stop doing that, I am going to go absolutely nuts,” I thoroughly enjoy the sweetness, innocence, joy and hilarity that continues with each child God blesses into our family.

This picture also doesn’t help at all.

This is the three amigos as eleven month old babies.

Can I stop and say that 11 months is where it’s at?

Lucy’s got three words, the first of which is “Mama.”

http://www.facebook.com/v/3765368256763

Secondly, she has four teeth. I was really not looking forward to her getting teeth, but when she grew one on top and one on the bottom and looked like a little jack ‘o lantern full of adorable, I couldn’t help myself. Extra cheek smooches abounded.

Thirdly, she crawls like she means it.

Fourthly (is there such a word as “fourthly?”): One of my favorite parts of the day is getting her out of her crib. Because she smiles so huge and then she bobs up and down with great excitement. Those chunky legs bending and straightening…I literally feel my heart growing two sizes bigger every morning.

Fifthly: She smiles and laughs at everything. I do mean everything.

Tickle her belly? Laughs.

Head bang like Axl Rose while changing her diaper? Laughs.

Do the tango with her like she’s Maks Chmerkovskiy and we are on Dancing with the Stars? Laughs.

Get her to clap with me to the bluegrass music on Pandora and then play air banjo? Laughs.

I can basically feel free to really throw open the door to my inner dork and she eats it up. I am so blessed to be able to have such an adoring fan.

But here is the real truth…Jason and I could not be bigger, more infatuated  fans of Lucy. Her brother and sister come in close behind in this Lucy fanaticism.  And we will continue to be, even if she doesn’t want to tango with me anymore. But that won’t happen until she’s at least 55, right?

Happy 11 months, Lucy Goosey! You have been one of the sweetest gifts we’ve ever been given.

Well, maybe that isn’t true, exactly. But I do love Facebook.

Lately though, Facebook has bothered me some. Mostly  my own posts on Facebook. This is why.

If you looked on my page, you would think that I am some sort of super Christian woman with the most adorable kids in the world.

You would think that all we do at our house is laugh and all my kids do are super adorable activities.

This is not a real picture of my life.

I would like to put” my pride aside” and tell you the back stories behind the pictures.

Back Story #1

This looks so sweet. I captioned it: “I love these sweet moments…sticky faced, ear bud sharing, giggling moments.”

I love these moments BECAUSE THEY RARELY HAPPEN! These two goofballs pretty much think it is there job to do the following:

1. Tease/Make a funny face/steal something/make a fart sound.

2. Scream “STOP!” at the top of their lungs/Scream “MOMMY” followed by a tattle at the top of their lungs/Hit/Kick/Pinch.

3. Repeat Steps 1 and 2 a billion times a day.

I know they love each other, deep down inside. I know they will probably grow up and be the best of friends. But this picture? No. This is not a true snapshot of my life.

Back Story #2

Who doesn’t love a baby with spaghetti all over her face? This picture was captioned, “Lucy vs. Spaghetti: Who wins?” You know who wins? The high chair.

Why? Because I am not fastidious about it’s cleanliness. I mean, I keep the tray sanitary, but let’s just say that Baby Girl sits the cheerios she drops down into the seat on a regular basis. Sometimes, if I am really lazy, she might just sit in her own dried up spaghetti mess at the next meal. You are horrified. I know.  So am I. But like I said, Facebook does not show that side of things.

Back Story #3

I took this shot after dinner. After I told Abby all day long to please not put Squinkies in her mouth. To please not leave her Squinkies laying around as they are also a choking hazard for Lucy. Then I decided to reinforce my nagging by letting everyone pose together with Squinkies suctioned to their tongues. It really is NO WONDER that the kids don’t take me seriously.

Also, you’d never guess from this picture that we spend our entire dinner time reminding people to sit down, use their fork, not use potty talk and for Pete’s sake, PLEASE SIT DOWN. I always imagined family dinners being somewhat relaxed. Ours can sometimes be that way, and sometimes be a three ring circus of poop jokes, whining and leaning back in a chair and crashing into the sliding glass window. But you won’t see that on Facebook.

Back Story #4

The other day I posted this quote:

“If God really works in everything, why don’t we thank him in everything?
Why be afraid of anything, when God is using everything.” – Ann Voscamp.

I will proudly admit to being a full fledged, full blown, Christ Follower. There is absolutely nothing I believe in more than I believe in the power of Jesus Christ.

But I am not, by any means, a holier than thou, got it all together kind of girl. The reason I need Jesus in my life is because I don’t have it all together. I am a serious work in progress.

Therefore, when I post scripture or quotes, I do it because I am feeling weak that particular day and I need to preach truth to myself. So, in this instance, I was having a pity party kind of week, where nothing made sense and life was unfair and woe is me. Then I read the quote and was reminded that “Oh yeah! God works in every situation, good or bad!” Then I hung on to that truth and stopped throwing a pity party. I starting getting excited at someday finding out how God was going to fit these puzzle pieces of life together instead of  banging my head against the wall because I couldn’t make them fit. The more excited I got, the more I was like, “I need to share this with everyone!” So I did.

I remembered to be thankful for hard times, because then I really feel my need for God. I remembered that I can’t control anything. God is in control, and He is good and always faithful! I figured, since I have realized that I am not the only one in the world with problems, that the quote would help out someone else too.

So there you have it. Facebook is false.  But I celebrate those sweet moments I capture, as deceptive as they may be in the larger context of my “real” life.

What do you think? Would you be brave enough to post “real” photos? Your kid throwing a tantrum? Your hair in the morning? “Real” dinner time chaos? The inside of your car before you clean it out?

Maybe we can start a revolution to be real and honest! Life is messy! Let’s embrace it!

By day four, they had pretty much run out of ideas to keep themselves busy. I really try and encourage them to use the brains God gave them to come up with their own stuff to do. But it was late afternoon and we were all kind of getting on each others nerves. Anthony suggested that he be allowed to play Lego Indiana Jones on the Wii. I probably snapped at him that he had spent enough time turning his brain to mush with that infernal waste of time.

I am so mean sometimes.

But then an idea struck. Instead of standing there, all rectangular eyed, I suggested that he build his own version of Indiana Jones. I even said he could use all the pillows in the house and other fun props.

All of a sudden, my big kids got to work. I lounged on the sofa with Lucy and watched the movie begin.  It became quickly apparent that this was going to be adorable. Therefore, I was quickly moved to record this sweet childishness of theirs.

I present to you:

Starring:

and of course…

As always, a woman has been captured and it is up to Indy to save her.

Indy avoids snakes, cliffs and scales mounds of pillows…

and finally finds a letter…from Linda the Pretty Lady!

Then Indy is off to the rescue (cue the Indiana Jones Theme)!

Of course, he has to fight some enemies…

Who would have ever thought that Windex could be used to defeat the evil Soft Scrub? Certainly not me.

By golly, Adipose (from Dr. Who), you cannot keep Linda the Pretty Lady imprisoned. I am going to rip your legs off! Then I am going to bite you with the few front teeth I possess!

Hooray! He finally reached Linda the Pretty Lady! This is the part of the story where I swoon a little…

These two kids? Pretending to be terrified of that stuffed snake? They generally fight like cats and dogs. Sometimes it seems that their main goal in life is to one up each other and/or drive the other one completely insane, thereby driving their mother completely insane.

Magical moments like this, when they have such fun together, are precious to me. Messing up the entire house with their Indiana Jones set is completely worth it. It gives me hope that deep in the recesses of their hearts, with their sibling rivalry pushed aside for a moment, they actually do love each other.

Short Round? She is much loved by Indy and Linda. She is also mightily confused by all the jumping, leaping and battling going on.

It’s OK, Short Round. In just a few short months, you’ll probably be leaping off the ottoman right along with them.

My prayer for the three of you is that you all stick together and look out for each other, battling the snakes, Soft Scrubs and Adiposes of life, side by side.

Kindergarten is the cutest grade because your sweet little Kindergartener brings home gems like this every day:

If you have trouble deciphering her creative spelling, she wrote,

I like hamburgers and jelly and toast. But I really like sosijis (SAUSAGES…OMGosh HOW CUTE IS THAT!). I like food, but renember (she says “re-nember” instead of “remember”, also too cute for words), I like sosij (sausage – AGAIN WITH THE CUTENESS).

I read this, laughed because the girl truly is obsessed with sosij and oh my goodness with the creative way she spells. This mom was tickled.

I then showed Jason, who really loved that she wrote “reenember.”

Then I scooped her up and kiss, kiss, kissed her, because the joy of parenting a child so adorable was hard for me to contain.  I needed to express it with at least five minutes of kissing and ticking and kissing. She made it clear that she would have none of this expressive love, because “What’s the big deal Mom? I just like sosij. Geez.”

Well, if I can’t kiss, tickle and kiss, I can show my love in other ways.

Like cooking up a nice batch of sosij for dinner.